Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
