I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
