i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
