part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
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she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I will pee on everything he values.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
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Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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