finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
