I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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