so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
