just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
