Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Mom said you looked used
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
