If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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