nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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