I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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