God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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