The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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