The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
