I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Someone came in the potted fern
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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