he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
