Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
