He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
