i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just invented taco cereal.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
