I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
