We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
