Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
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well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
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You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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