FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
