Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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