she's into porn, im staying here tonight
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
