Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
