Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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