im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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