I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
