her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am one with the molecules
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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