We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
