Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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