I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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