I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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