Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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