I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Of course I have a pirate flag
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
