I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
