We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
