Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
