those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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