anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
