I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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