i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
this will be a night to untag.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
