those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
