stop calling my apartment porn island.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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