i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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