I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
