shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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