I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
