That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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