she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
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Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
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Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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