god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
vagina is talking i cant
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
