Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
