i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
