Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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