I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
