You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
