well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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