taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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