i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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