good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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