It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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