don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
