He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize