I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
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This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
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in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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