I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
