I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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