Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
