I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just found puke in my bra..
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
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