I got chris browned last night
You're so nebulous sometimes
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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